Just fell off a train. Bad.
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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