got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
