I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
