i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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