I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
