So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize