the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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