I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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