For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize