Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
