belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
