dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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