i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Randomize
