I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
My vagina just recognized that song.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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