Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
i already hear my dad disowning me
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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