White coat. Heels.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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