Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
