Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
