why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
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