I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
