Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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