if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
