Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
