did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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