I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
he puts the penis in happiness.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
