I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
