3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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