hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
