can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
