Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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