Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
