Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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