I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
