My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
