I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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