Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
