You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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