did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
