Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
