guys are only as good as the porn they watch
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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