Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
