i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
