I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
