Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
