And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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