Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize