I smell stomach acid.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
