I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
