her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
