I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
This baby is an asshole
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
