Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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