When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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