take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
