I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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