So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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