I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Randomize
