i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
we're so committed to being not committed
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
