God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
