my soul wont recognize me after tonight
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
