i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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