They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
