Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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