the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize