Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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